Fozzie's joke: "Hey, we were so poor, I was born at home. After my mother saw me, she went to the hospital."

CURTAIN/BALCONY

Fozzie takes over the introduction of Sandy Duncan after Crazy Harry sets off an explosion that sends Kermit flying into Statler & Waldorf's balcony. ("Did somebody say 'BANG?'")

OPENING NUMBER - "NICE GIRL LIKE ME"

Backed by Dr. Teeth, Animal, and Zoot, Sandy Duncan performs a big song and dance number singing in a bar full of Muppet Monsters. Kermit mentions in his intro that the number was staged by Scooter, though it's hard to imagine this elaborate production number with themes of alcoholism coming from the impressionable young go-fer!

[Things to look out for: one of the bartenders is the same full body Muppet that took a beating from Rita Moreno the last time an opening number was set in a bar! Check out Sweetums' reaction to Sandy's downing a row of drinks at the end of the number!]

BALCONY

WALDORF: Bravo! Bravo!

STATLER: Wonderful!

WALDORF: Fantastic!

STATLER: Tremendous! Ya know, she makes me feel like a young boy.

WALDORF: Yeah, she makes me feel like a young girl, I think I'll go find one.

BACKSTAGE

Fozzie lays the flattery on thick in an attempt to get Kermit to lend him a five to pay Fozzie's writer, the legendary Gags Beazley.

KERMIT: You pay him by the line?

FOZZIE: No, I pay him by the laugh.

KERMIT: Oh - then he owes YOU money.

SWEDISH CHEF

The Chef throws "moofins" in the air and aims his shotgun at them after which he points out the holes in the middle and proudly declares "Doooo-nut"!

CURTAIN/BALCONY

Statler and Waldorf already start heckling Kermit at the mention of Fozzie Bear's name.

KERMIT: Fozzie gets over 200 letters a week!

STATLER: Yeah, but if he paid his bills, he wouldn't get any.

FOZZIE'S COMEDY SPOT

Statler & Waldorf continue their heckling for Fozzie, but perhaps with a newfound confidence from last week, Fozzie smoothly wins the audience over by telling them the "Banana Sketch".

BACKSTAGE

Hilda reports to everyone backstage that Fozzie has the audience eating out of his hand. Kermit mentions his new writer and the assembled are immediately impressed.

SCOOTER: Not the legendary Gags Beazley?

KERMIT: You mean, you've heard of him?

SCOOTER: Well who hasn't?

KERMIT: Me, for one.

Hilda goes on to explain that Gags is "to comedy what Mozart was to music" and mentions he wrote the famous Banana Sketch. When Kermit professes his ignorance of the routine, he receives much ribbing (and legging).

AT THE DANCE

The usual music is played to a tango beat.

ROWLF: My cousin lives in the desert and boy can he run fast!

FEMALE WHATNOT: Cause the sand is hot?

ROWLF: No because the trees are so far apart.

SKETCH

Sandy comes across a depressed Sweetums who's sad because he's so ugly he scares people, makes dogs run away, and flowers wilt. Sandy assures Sweetums that if people took time to look past the physical, they'd find a lot of nice things about him and that if one feels beautiful, that makes them beautiful. With newfound self-esteem, Sweetums makes the flowers unwilt and gains licks on the hand from Muppy.

Sandy, brimming with satisfaction notices Behemoth on another park bench and unsolicited starts blabbing about how he shouldn't look so sad just because others might find him ugly which promptly earns Sandy a pie in the face.

UK SPOT: MUSICAL NUMBER - "NOBODY"

Gonzo and Rowlf sing.

MUSICAL NUMBER - "NEVER SMILE AT A CROCODILE"

Returning for another musical number involving frogs, Mary Louise sings serenades frogs in the swamp as she rides atop a nasty crocodile that eats anyone who gets too close.

TALK SPOT

Fozzie interrupts Sandy's chat with Kermit asking Sandy if she'll do a sketch with him that was written by Gags. Sandy is immediately impressed to hear the creator of the legendary Banana Sketch is writing for Fozzie.

SANDY: "Gags" - "Banana"; the words synonymous!

KERMIT: You can say that again, I gag everytime I hear about this sketch.

Sandy and Fozzie start giggling uncontrollably just thinking of the Banana Sketch when Kermit finally demands that Sandy explains to him what the heck it is...but Sandy's laughing so hard she can't get any words out.

BALCONY

WALDORF: Tell me the truth, Statler - do you get the banana sketch?

STATLER: No, I get the New York Times and the Manchester Guardian.

NEWSFLASH

Newsman interviews Billie Lee Boomer (Sandy) on her incentives for earning a place in the Guinness Book for jumping in place.

NEWSMAN: Truly a courageous and inspiring story (into phone:) WHERE DO WE GET THESE NUTS?!

BACKSTAGE

Kermit is further flustered by Miss Piggy who can't believe such a cultured frog has never heard of the Banana Sketch and a banana who wants to know where his dressing room is.

KERMIT: Uh, Piggy - says the frog who is trying to refrain from losing his cool and looking like a bad sport - THERE IS NO BANANA SKETCH, THERE NEVER WAS A BANANA SKETCH AND THERE NEVER WILL BE A BANANA SKETCH!!

VETERINARIAN'S HOSPITAL

Dr. Bob loses his watch inside his patient while performing his first transplant.

DR BOB: Well, let's look on the bright side, at least if he doesn't make it, we'll know the exact time he went!

BALCONY

MUSICAL NUMBER - "TRY TO REMEMBER"

Sandy calms down Kermit sitting underneath a tree and singing "Try To Remember" from The Fantastiks to him, backed by a chorus of Muppets.

CURTAIN

Kermit (in tux) breaks tradition of giving the guest a dozen roses at the end of the show by presenting her with a bunch of bananas instead.

CLOSING THEME

STATLER: Well, how'd you like the show?

WALDORF: Maybe I'm getting soft but I loved it - have a banana.

Guide Written by
D. W. McKim and Phillip Chapman

With contributions from
Jogchem Jalink and Dave Ebersole